"Bottoms Up" Or Schadenfreude

No matter what the circumstance, a wet bottom is an unhappy bottom. And that's just what I had yesterday: a wet bottom. My disillusioned derriere would have been better off, had it come from a Memorial weekend jaunt in the pool or in the sea, but my dampness was not caused by anything of that sort. And if you might feel inclined to poke some fun at me here, and suggest that I peed myself, well I'm not the incontinent type. This is how it happened. I was walking in the West Village, searching for a business card, and because walking and wallet-wading is not a talent of mine, I decided to sit down on a cool inviting marble ledge surrounding some shoddy-looking plantings which lay outside of a post-war, white-bricked, door-man building. I sat down, and thought to myself, wow this marble is very cold, ultra-cold, and WET! I jumped up in horror, realizing that I completely soaked the back-side of my skirt, and water was busily running down my legs. The door-man started to howl with laughter, I mean really howl. It was a cartoony-type cackle that seem to generate and proliferate from its own noise-making. This door-man, with a name-plate, reading "Robert" was having a blast at my expense. I squeezed out the water from the ends of my skirt, and walked up to rascal Robert. "Hey, Robert, don't mean to be a kill-joy here and interrupt your fun, but couldn't you have told me the marble was wet. Really wet. I mean you saw me sit-down, and it seemed that you almost gave me your approval to sit-down." To which Rasputin replied, "Hey lady, it's a marble planter." It's true, he had a point, but it did seem decidedly dry, I guess marble has trompe-l'oeil properties. I was visibly rankled, but Robert was having the time of his life. "Well you don't have to laugh so loudly or so consistently," I said sadly. "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to laugh at someone else's misfortune?" "Whatever lady!" Hee-hee, haw-haw. Well, bottoms-up. God knows, I have hit it before yesterday, but somehow it made itself painfully known at that moment, and so did something called "schadenfreude." You know the word, well Robert does at least. "Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others." Bless the Germans who came up with a word that sounds exactly like what it means. Now, what's German for "F--- you" Robert?