Yelp!

It's easy to fall in love with things. It's easier still, to fall in love with people. It can be something small, inconsequential, a flick of the wrist, the way someone appreciates the air outside, or eats a plum. I have fallen in love with things and people at a considerable rate, not more than most, but not less. The "love" does not have to be remotely romantic, but it's more about, yes, what's it about? A sense of closeness, maybe proximity unmarred by a particular set of circumstances and time frame. Over my lifetime, and especially during the last two years, I have fallen in closeness with people that seemingly want to help me forward my plans, and see and take me for what I am, whatever that is. Perhaps it is an unromantic crush out of respect or admiration for the person, or for what the person does. I guess that my crushes are a little peppering of closeness and admiration. The lout that I mentioned an entry or two back is a prime example of one of my little "loves." She represented everything I wanted to be as a person, as a woman. She led by example, and consequently led me to confide in her about my last two years of turmoil. She also confessed that she went through similar trials when she was younger. I liked her so much, that I did form a professional "crush." Could I have kissed her? No Sapphic tendencies here. But. Maybe. On the cheek perhaps. Oh wait, I did, and she did me. And yet, and yet...There always seems to be a "yet." She disappointed, by not being the woman and colleague she said she was, and the woman and colleague I wanted her so much to be. Perhaps my expectations got ahead of me, but no, I can't turn them off. All humans have expectations; you'd be dead if you didn't have any. So, yelp! Yelp! Yelp! I'm crying out because I cannot understand the rhyme or reason for the things that people do. She is one in a series of yelps! She is one in a series of sharp and quick loves that abruptly fade to darkness. I have been provoked into becoming a professional yelper, but you see, I don't want to be. I just want to go about my business which is to be in business. Is that a lot to ask? But, I also have a crush on this here blog, because it affords me a way to open shop day after day, and tell you dear reader, what's happening here. I have a crush on you too, even though you're amorphous and out there. The relationship is rather one-sided, as you know all about me, and I not a thing about you. But, you care enough to read, and therefore, I have a little love in my heart.