Watching The Wheels

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.

I really love to watch them roll.

No longer riding on the merry-go-round. 

I just had to let it go.

I don't know what to add to the above.  It's just a snippet of John Lennon's wonderful song, "Watching The Wheels," and yet it depicts life in all its manifest glories, sorrows, and rudderless rotations. Lately, I've been thinking about this song quite a lot.  It used to be quietly playing in the background when I was a child, and now as an adult, its pronounced; it seems that I am doing time in this song.  It's a good one, damn near perfection, but the sentiment makes me more and more uneasy, because I completely identify with it.  And I don't know that I really want to identify with the passive watching of time going by, without some blips of the spectacular.  You see, I am in this strange twilight purgatory, an intermediate state, where I'm waiting for things to happen, and I'm just watching the wheels go round-and-round, and I'm ruminating about my past and things that seemed hard now seem easy, easy things are becoming hard, and my carefree friends have now become careful.  And it's difficult now.  I see the changes, and some of me wants to turn back, and steer the wheel, so that fortune and fun is constant, ever-flowing; no drought. This sounds so unbelievably naive, but I never thought the merry-go-round would stop, I had some vague notion that I would be on that horse poised at the heavens, going round-and-round, listening to that sticky sweet music for all eternity.  But did I really contemplate eternity, or the end of my time?  No.  I still don't.  That's good.  I still retain a childish state of wonder, that things are gonna go swell, tomorrow will be sweller than today, and next week, well it's gonna blow me out of the water - in a good way.  I'll be riding the crest of a whale's blowhole.  Fantasy is important when time is whipping by, and the day-to-day is dragging.  I know I am too sentimental for my own good.  And now it's easy to be governed by feelings of time gone by, when the here-and-now is rife with all sorts of struggles.  But I have to just let it go.