Who's Leading?

You might be surprised about what I'm about to tell you.  And what I'm about to tell you is this: I am an athlete at heart. Or more precisely, a "spiritually-minded" soccer player whose feet, hands and head "carry the ball" all day long.  The game exposes my strengths, and my failures; it teaches me to remain nimble, and strips me of pretenses.  A great deal of practice, and discipline is required, but when it comes right down to it, the path to the proper solution, and ultimately a "goal" realized must be off-the-cuff, and on-the-spot.  If nothing else, the past two years of looking for a permanent job, has taught me that the fixation on the distant future is not helpful, detracting from the "tackle."  It's one matter at a time, one game at a time.  My improv class is all about bringing one's personal awareness into the moment, imparting a profound understanding of the particular action one is doing.  My spinning/cycling class focusses on the climb, we're to envision the top of the mountain, the mountain is there.  IS THERE.  Right above our noses.  I've learned to suppress my inner-grunt, and suck it up, because it feels good to get to the top; to suspend my disbelief of not believing in myself.  I'm not limited by actual boundaries here. I am in the zone, even though I am on a stationary bike.  I am an athlete.  It's make-believe; but there is the rush of the wind in my hair, and the smell of the mountain dew. Every class I have "pretended" my way into the true belief.  I am now one with the infinite array.  Possibilities.  It is then that I am rendered the true "central defender" of my goals. There might be foul-ups, and "foot traps" in the kicking around of the ball, but there are fresh starts, and "free kicks" as well.  It's no "consolation match" to be leading with yourself, and by yourself.  You can settle the score by magical thinking, by perfecting the inner idea, by exposing yourself to sometimes "dangerous plays" that become an exercise in child's play, and child's play and the art of make-believe is extremely significant.  It's Zen.